The Marshmallow Experiment, conducted by American personality psychologist Walter Mischel from 1968 to 1974 at Stanford University’s Bing Nursery School, followed by long-term tracking investigations, led to the concept of “delayed gratification.”
His research found that preschoolers who delayed gratification for longer periods exhibited higher self-control when facing setbacks during adolescence, were less likely to succumb to temptation, and had less distracted attention. In adulthood, they were able to pursue and achieve long-term goals, attain higher educational levels, and handle interpersonal relationships and maintain intimate relationships with greater ease and adaptability.
However, does an early lack of “delayed gratification” ability in children necessarily lead to failure in the future?
The answer is obviously no.
Upon entering the world, infants have physiological differences in emotional responses, levels of activity, and abilities to control and regulate attention, which influence their feelings, thoughts, and actions, and determine who they will become, including their capacity for self-control and deferred gratification.
Although these physiological differences are innate, they are also flexible, with plasticity and potential for change.
So, what can parents do to help children develop the ability of “delayed gratification”?
- Create a Harmonious Environment
Continuous conflict between parents, even if non-violent, can bring constant stress to children and affect their mental health.
- Use Distraction Strategies
Help children shift their attention from stressful feelings to interesting stimuli and activities. Over time, children can learn to control their attention through self-distraction and extend their waiting time.
- Clarify Reward Mechanisms
Encourage children to make appropriate choices using methods and things suitable for them.
- Promptly Identify Needs
Parents should be sufficiently sensitive to their children’s needs, providing help and support when necessary, while encouraging the development of autonomy and avoiding over-involvement.
- Complete Tasks Together
Engage in enjoyable and challenging tasks with children, gradually increasing the difficulty. Parents should provide the necessary support to children while allowing them to do things on their own, rather than taking over.
- Develop a “Growth Mindset”
Help children recognize that their talents, abilities, intelligence, and social behaviors are not fixed but can be improved through effort. Teach them that failure is a part of life and encourage them to find constructive ways to cope with setbacks.
- Set a Good Example
Parents need to lead by example. Children will silently remember how their parents handle setbacks and challenges, build relationships with others, and choose and adapt their own coping strategies in later life.
Even in adulthood, we can benefit from “delayed gratification,” especially in areas closely related to personal development such as career and academics.
Individuals with a holistic perspective on self-development and a conscious resistance to the temptation of “immediate gratification” are more likely to adapt to society and learning environments, increasing their sense of happiness.
